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Hypatia66
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Name: Alicia
Gender: Female
Interests: Books, Movies, Music, Video Games, Performance, Debating..or just arguing, Sleeping, Writing, Exercising, Taking Baths, Eating Popcorn, Drinking Beer, Men, Ancient Greek and Roman History, Art (except modern), Meals at 4am or later, Camp Fires, Ghost Stories, Religion (out of strict curiosity), Fairy Tales, Playing Hide and Seek, Practicing in the Shower with a Friend, Cold Blankets, Candles, Eyes, Pineapples, Politics, Fist Fighting (I haven't actually gotten to do this yet...someday), Compulsively Updating My Xanga in the Middle of the Night, AIM, Horse Racing, Traditions, Movie Posters, Pictures, Spare Change (for the parking meters), Axe Body Spray (Lori and I keep one around for extreme cases of lonliness) Driving, Assignment Books, Philosophy and Theory (Political and Theological mostly), BIC pens with the clicky thing on the back, Staying Up Late, Getting People Naked for my own Amusement, Hoodies, Beds, Computers, Adult Swim and Vodka...yeah.. that's it...
Expertise: Sleeping, Arguing, and Apparently Scaring People...Even my friends...in an I don't want to approach you because I might make you mad kind of way. This is kind of funny because in the three years that I have been in school I have yelled at 4 people total. Only one of them was my fault for losing my temper. I over-reacted and scared the shit out of a freshman. With that exception I am not a scary person and actually pretty hard to work up to the point of violence (considering it's never happened) I think that would qualify me as an expert at scaring people since I haven't done anything conciously and they are already afraid of me.
Occupation: Political Consultant
Industry: Politics
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  malisha66
Member Since:
12/3/2004
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| It has been nearly two years since I blogged regularly I think. Maybe not. I can't remember. Xanga has changed so much since the last time I even signed in...
I don't know if anyone still reads or posts on here. All I can say to that is "so what". So what?
I'm 24 years old. I'm going to lose my job soon. Not because of the economy but because of my step father's declining health. His cancer has progressed despite radiation treatments - 3 bouts of it - and had to start chemo therapy yesterday. My friends are all miserable because no one can find a decent job, our friend died, our parents are sick, our bank accounts are empty. Either that or the one they love doesn't love them or vice versa. My indifference pulls me through, probably with the help of the Prozac. Unfortunately it also puts up walls to progress. I don't know what to do next and I don't have the drive to even look.
My family wants me to go back to school. I destroyed the GRE and did competitively well on the GMAT (enough so to be solicited by most of the top business schools in the country). But here I am not wanting to leave my home, comfortable to lie dormant for the winter, wishing things could remain just as they are (with better pay).
I'm tired of drama. I'm tired of parties and bars. I do these things because there is nothing else to do. How sad is it that I honestly believe that a man could settle me down and help me stay focused on what is important? I am so not a feminist. I believe I can do whatever I want, but I honestly believe that kind of partnership is key, at least for me.
Pathetic? Perhaps. But I am not here to tell lies.
I worry the most about my mother, not myself. She cries every day now and I can't do anything about it. It is like the world that she was trying to create for us is crumbling around our ears. When a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman like her feels the strain, what hope is there for the rest of us? I want to carry her pain upon my shoulders so that she doesn't have to bear it, but I think it would break me.
It is freezing cold in my apartment because I accidentally left the balcony door open. I woke with a headache and a sore throat. My eyes are burning. My damn fault. At one point I was taken by a spiral threatening to black me out. Some how I stayed conscious and just admired the pretty lights. The strange dreams are coming fast and furious. I have started to have recurring dreams about various places including a high school. Oddly I remember only two places. My locker (#822) and the nurse's office. I don't know what, if any, significance these things have. Most likely none. There is another as well, but I didn't have that dream last night so I can't remember. At any rate, I don't sleep much and I don't sleep well.
This wasn't meant to be a sad blog. Just my musings that don't really have a place on myspace. I've written too many sad blogs before.
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| My mom didn't meet her soulmate until she was 45. She will turn 49 this fall and her soulmate is dying. My stepfather has an aggressive form of cancer that does not have recorded survivors past the second year. Mom is a wreck. How can you run a company when you can't function? I may have to take on more responsibility with the company sooner than I was expecting. My foot is still broken which makes this exceptionally more difficult. Also mom is making me go back on my meds (prozac). She doesn't feel comfortable leaning on me, knowing that I am unstable. Maybe it will help me keep it together in general anyway. I feel like I have been going to sleep and waking up completely unrested. It's kind of like when I stopped sleeping before except this time I am at least going through the motions. I just wish I could hold it together without the drugs. They make me feel different (though not as bad as the zoloft did). Anyway, supposing any of my friends actually do read this, I am going through a rough time, taking a lot on my shoulders that I am not sure I am ready to bear. I don't know how to deal with death with grace. I need a rock and I don't have one. Life's not fair ~Hypatia~ | | |
| Nothing has really changed... I am still very lonely -- no matter how many friends I make...I hate being home alone but half the time I don't feel like being around people. I lost the ability to take out my frustration in the gym -- I aggravated an old ankle injury while training to run a half marathon and now my left ankle is non-weight bearing. I know nothing is broken. I had an MRI done on Wednesday and it gets read tomorrow. I don't know if it will make much difference knowing what is wrong or not. Worst case scenario I will need to have surgery on the ankle if there has been a significant amount of cartilage damage. One of the worst parts about being hurt is that it makes it very hard for me to go to and stay at work all day long. The ankle gets swollen and aggravated and makes life pretty miserable. I have had to stay behind on multiple business trips. Actually I have been forced to work from home many days because of my incapacitation. It occurs to me that many and most of us are lonely. We are all so similar in our sharing of such a human characteristic. Does anyone know of anything that makes it easier to deal with? I already read and drink excessively -- I have those down to an art and science. Is there anything else? I miss my old roommate -- I know he doesn't really miss me. His life has changed so much since I had to leave. I have not yet met anyone who even comes to being remotely close to the kind of companion, for intellectual conversation or just for company. He has his girlfriend now to replace me in those capacities. I still don't have anyone who likes to sit around watching the Travel Channel and drinking beers. Anyways....I'm going to try to get back on here more often... | | |
| How can I describe myself as anything other than that. Lost and alone. I feel as though I have no one left other than family. Athens is supposed to be like going home. I felt like a stranger. Life goes on without me and in this case sweeps by me, leaving me in its tumultuous wake. The list grows longer everyday.... | | |
| Hokay....so..... I know there is a little Asian chick who is compulsively checking my xanga to see if I have made any updates. And I know that it has been a long...loooong...loooooooooooong time since I updated..but here goes. I am settling in in Willoughby quite nicely. I really do miss my Athens family but I am creating a new life that is more along the lines of normalcy than the lifestyle of a college student. I have made some friends albeit 99% of them I met at the local pub. My local pub you ask? Why sure I'd be delighted to tell you about it. Mullarkey's is an Authentic Irish Pub on the main street in Historical Downtown Willoughby. It is about a five minute walk from my apartment and a five minute stumble home. It's set at a crossroads so the door opens out on the corner rather than to either street. There is a small sign hung about the door that reads "Mullarkey's" made of intricately carved wood and painted with green and gold paint -- the guinness harp draws it together. When you walk into the pub the lights are typically very dim. Before I get a few steps in I have already been greeted by whoever is bartending that evening. They know me by name and know my story. They have my Blue Moon poured before I can take off my coat. Joe, Steph, Kevin, Mary and Natalie all know the routine. They've seen my mug in there enough to know better than to question -- even if I am coming in alone. In addition to the great friends that I have made since making the big leap, I have also met a sweetheart of a boy. Sure he is not the type of guy I might have seen myself with back in high school. The type who slept through class in his gianormour JNCO jeans, toting his roller blades, a pack of smokes, perhaps a few hits of acid hidden on his body along with a criminal record... To be perfectly honest if he was still that way I don't know how I would feel about it. However, he has been clean for a few years now and is trying to make headway on living life. We enjoy one another. He makes me smile and be merry in general. If you meet him...you love him. He is one of those. I went out on a limb and bought my first couch last night. It is very nice -- and I am now poor. Anyways. I don't know what else to write about. I work hard. I play hard. And I miss the hell out of my Athens family -- gone but not forgotten. I will be home again in May. | | |
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